


Marrying Up

by astudyinfic



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Footnotes, M/M, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 11:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19463137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: Newt Pulsifer was many things but lucky in love was not one of them.  Yet, somehow he managed to convince Anathema to marry him in what would be the strangest wedding ever witnessed by the village of Tadfield.And if some of the attention was focused on the unusual groomsmen instead of the happy couple, well, that was alright.  Newt didn't like being the center of attention anyway.





	Marrying Up

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Accal1a](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a) and [Bonibaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonibaru%22) ffor the betaing expertise.

This is the story of a wedding. A wedding between two sworn enemies who found love in their antagonist's arms. A wedding of two minds on opposite sides that found common ground with each other.

This is not the story of a wedding between two who had loved one another for six thousand years but a wedding a mere six months in the making. It’s a wedding of two people who would never have met if the world hadn’t almost ended in a small village in England, who might have been alone for the rest of their lives if not for the apocalypse that never was.

As I was saying, this is the story of a wedding.

* * *

The groom, Newt Pulsifer long ago came to terms with the fact that he didn’t have a lot of friends. He told himself it was fine, though even he knew he was deluding himself. Growing up he had his computers and his dreams and that was all he thought he needed. Then he had an unfortunate string of jobs that weren’t much but he comforted himself with the fact that they were his for the short time that he held onto them. Sure, he failed at almost everything he touched but that was just life in this economy people assured him. A lot of people had trouble keeping a job. They probably didn’t destroy entire computer systems with a few keystrokes but they had their own issues, right?

After losing yet another job, he somehow managed to stumble into the perfect career for him. He’d never thought of being a soldier but sometimes it’s better not to question the divine plan.

Even if he had thought of being a soldier, this wasn’t the army he would have pictured.

When he joined the Witchfinder Army, his life had changed for the better. Which, when one really thinks of it, probably didn’t say a lot for his life before. In the Witchfinder Army, he learned all sorts of interesting things: how to count nipples to identify a witch, how Sergeant Shadwell takes his tea, how to tell Madame Tracy’s clients from her _clients_. All things that had very practical applications on a very small scale.

And he learned that the end of the world was going to happen in Tadfield of all places and against all odds, a three-hundred-year dead witch knew he would be instrumental in preventing that from happening.

It was a weird week all around.

On top of all of that, Newton Pulsifer - computer unengineer1, witchhunter and all around disaster - fell in love with the very witch he was sent to find. And against all logic, she fell in love with him as well.

Which was how he found himself in a situation more improbable than the apocalypse, more improbable than a witch who died three hundred years before he was even born knowing things about him, more improbable than Satan himself rising out of an American air base in Tadfield of all places.

Newton Pulsifer was getting married.

Weddings come with certain expectations. Generally, one wanted guests to attend, but that required having people you wish to spend time with. There was the wedding party to sort out as well, and Newt didn’t think he knew enough people to even begin to fill those ranks. And Anathema was in much the same situation.

So, they branched out a bit and ended up with the strangest wedding party to ever grace the face of the Earth. They hadn’t come to a decision yet on whose side was the strangest, though Newt privately thought he won that particular comparison.

**Best Man, Sergeant Shadwell. Human. Witchhunter.** The best man Newt knew was his boss and commanding officer.2 It took some convincing before he would agree to the position, however. He had to be assured that there would be cans of condensed milk on hand at the reception, and no witches anywhere near the ceremony. Both Anathema and Newt thought it best to just live in blissful ignorance about the second request. The cans were brought from Shadwell’s own supply.

Shadwell almost lost the position when he demanded a nipple count of everyone entering the ceremony, but Newt promised they would make sure to do everything subtly so as to not let any witches catch wind of it. “Good thinking, laddie. Ne’er know what hit ‘em.” Madame Tracy promised to get rid of any pins he was carrying before they arrived in Tadfield.

**Groomsman, Aziraphale. Angel. Principality of the Eastern Gate. Bookshop owner.** Newt figured not many people could boast having an actual angel attend their wedding, let alone be part of the ceremony. He didn’t even know if angels cared about such things3 but Aziraphale seemed thrilled and touched when Newt asked him. They didn’t know each other well, but since the angel helped stop the end of the world, which gave Newt and Anathema the chance to actually get to this stage, it seemed proper to ask him.

Having an angel as a groomsman, especially one as fastidious as Aziraphale, proved to be logistically difficult. He’d agreed to their requests in the end, but getting there was quite the struggle. “I really don’t like to wear colors like that, my dear boy,” he said, pointing at the charcoal grey suit they’d picked out for the wedding party. “That’s more his color palette, I’m afraid.” This “his” referred to the second groomsman, whom Newt had doubts about, even after the ceremony ended.

**Groomsman, Crowley. Demon. Wily serpent. Classic car enthusiast.** Newt wasn’t actually sure if Crowley liked all classic cars or just his own, but it still seemed accurate. He’d heard the demon and angel talking about his car right after almostgeddon and on their way back to Jasmine cottage, he thought he saw the burnt out remains of a classic Bentley parked outside of the airbase. And it didn’t appear the demon had an actual human job of any kind.

Must be nice.

Newt didn’t know about having a demon as one of his groomsmen, and the man (celestial being?) in question nearly declined. Newt still believed that the only reason he accepted was that he’d been promised it wouldn’t be in a church and that the angel had given him the most impressive set of puppy dog eyes Newt had ever witnessed. For a demon of hell and supposed tempter of Eve, he sure acquiesced to whatever the angel asked of him. Anathema thought it was cute, so Newt tended to agree. Not that either of them had worked up the courage to say that to his face.

* * *

Anathema wasn’t immune from the strange wedding party either. Her side was almost as weird. As beautiful and well adjusted as she was, due to her upbringing she had as few friends as Newt did, which meant she needed to get creative as well when it came to filling her side of the bridal party.

**Person of Honor, Adam Young. AntiChrist. Pre-Teen.** Sure, he almost ended the world, but Anathema took a bit of responsibility for that. If she hadn’t told him so much about the wrongs of the world so quickly, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in so far over his head so soon. But in the end, he stopped the apocalypse and declared once and for all who he was. That took a strength that not many possessed, certainly not at age eleven and Anathema respected that. She’d befriended the Youngs the day after the end of the world. She’d stopped by to see how Adam was doing. That concern for her son won over Mrs. Young’s heart. Anathema’s insistence that Adam had been helping her the night before in a failed attempt to save him from grounding, which endeared her to Adam. Mr. Young seemed politely baffled by everything and just went along with what his wife and son wished. After that, she was a family friend and Adam’s parents didn’t see anything wrong with him being in their wedding party.

**Assistant Person of Honor, Pippin Galadriel Moonchild. Feminist. Pre-Teen.** Anathema saw a lot of herself in Pepper. Headstrong and bright, not one to take any crap from any of the men that surrounded her. She’d faced down War herself and come out victorious. Anathema figured if she already had one of the Them in her wedding party, she might as well have two. Originally, the plan was to have Pepper as a bridesmaid. Pepper had other ideas. It was a sign of the patriarchal nature of marriage that the bride would need a maid to wait on her and Pepper wanted no part of it.

But if it meant hanging out with Anathema and Adam and an angel and demon while wearing a nice dress? She could do that without the offensive title. Anathema respected that and so Pepper had a title that was acceptable to them all.

**Ring bearer, Dog. Hellhound. Scared of cats.** To be fair, this was Adam’s idea. When he heard that Newt had three people on his side (though the term was applied loosely to two of the three of them), he demanded that Anathema have three as well. “It’s only fair,” he argued and she had to admit he had a point. But if she invited the other two Them to her side, then Newt would have to find another. There was always Madame Tracy but Anathema didn’t know her well so it seemed strange to ask her to stand by her side on their big day. Plus, she would need to spend most of her time keeping Shadwell in line.

So Anathema needed someone who wouldn’t cause hurt feelings by being chosen. And who could be hurt by a dog being the ring bearer? Particularly a dog like Dog. Sure his eyes glowed red sometimes and he tended to run away from things that should have cowered in fear of him, but he was a good pet and did what Adam asked of him. He could wear a pillow and carry some rings, Adam assured them, so in the end, they agreed.

They held the wedding in the garden at Jasmine Cottage. Anathema spent hours getting the setting perfect, with Aziraphale and Crowley offering their help. Several of the plants in the garden were ones that hadn’t graced the planet for over six thousand years, and all of them cowered whenever the demon walked by. “Do excuse him, my dear,” Aziraphale said one day, looking out the cottage window at Crowley with a fond smile as the demon yelled at the plants. “He has some unusual theories on gardening. I’ll smooth over any hurt feelings later.”

Anathema found it better not to ask questions.

She’d stressed over so much, not knowing if she was picking the right day for the wedding. Or the right location. She figured the groom was correct since they received a package from Agnes the day after the arma-didn’t-happen addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Pulsifer. But the rest of the decisions made her panic. It was one of those times where having another few prophecies from Agnes would have been a great help. No longer being a professional descendent had its drawbacks. (No she didn’t regret burning the second book Agnes sent, she told herself repeatedly. It turned out her husband-to-be wasn’t the only one good at self-delusion). The day they picked turned out to be absolutely perfect for a wedding. She supposed having three nearly omnipotent beings in the wedding party would do that. Besides, Tadfield was known for having perfect weather. No reason her wedding day shouldn’t be the same.

* * *

The entire village turned out for what promised to be the strangest wedding any of them would ever attend. With Adam Young in the wedding party, it was bound to be eventful, and no one really knew what to make of Anathema. She was polite and kept to herself but was quite odd, particularly by Tadfield standards. Newt was adored by all of them only because he did absolutely nothing to make himself stand out.

That kind of thing was appreciated in Tadfield.

By all accounts, the wedding went off without a hitch. There was some whispering among the guests about the groomsman who wouldn’t take off his glasses; whispering that was overheard by both Crowley and Aziraphale, which made the demon glare and the angel smile. Dog sat by Adam’s side the whole time and Pepper didn’t go into any rants because Anathema had already removed the part in the vows about “to love, honor, and obey”. It was practically perfect.

Many described the wedding as “just lovely” and others hoped “the couple would be very happy together”. These were, of course, normal platitudes and the general consensus was that while the wedding was, in fact, just lovely, and everyone did hope the couple would be very happy together, there was a sense of unease from all the humans who attended. Similar to the sensation of wondering whether you left the oven on when you left home. When overheard, this caused the demon to smirk and his angel to glare. He would hear about it later about how he could have _ruined dear Anathema’s big day_ but Crowley figured it was worth the minor sulking he would endure on the drive home. Messing with humans always made things a bit more interesting.

Besides, Crowley didn’t even do anything. It was just the sort of thing that happened to humans when spending time in the presence of an angel, a demon, and the literal son of Satan (disowned) who stopped Armageddon. But he could take credit for it all the same.

After the ceremony, the true fun began. There was music, none of which had ever been in the Bentley and therefore remained the soft classic tunes and the upbeat danceable pop that they were supposed to be. (And none of it was bebop, regardless of what Aziraphale might think). Anathema pointedly didn’t ask where all the food came from, considering she expected a small cake and some champagne but was greeted with a several course meal catered by the finest chefs in the world, with a wine for each course, and a four-layer cake with golden curlicues adorning the sides.

She figured this was the sort of thing that happened when spending time in the presence of an angel, a demon, and the literal son of Satan (disowned). She was wrong.

Unheard by any of the other guests was a whispered conversation between the angel and the demon.

“Was that really necessary, Angel?”

“Of course it was, my dear. Anathema and Newt deserve only the best and it was but a small miracle to give it to them.”

If anyone had overheard, or even seen, the conversation, they would have known the demon rolled his eyes fondly, an expression that was crystal clear, despite the dark glasses he insisted on wearing. And they would have seen the angel pat his cheek with a fond smile of his own.

Dancing followed dinner and almost everyone who remained took to the dance floor in some way or another. Even Dog got in on it, weaving between people’s legs and barking along with the music. Only Aziraphale and Crowley abstained, both stating the music wasn’t appropriate for their preferred style of dancing. Everyone thought they meant ballroom. Not one person knew they spoke of the gavotte and disco respectively.

The angel and demon did the dancing in their own way, however. Aziraphale loved the joy coming off of everyone while Crowley laughed at the embarrassing dance moves, unaware that his would have been far worse were he to join them out there.

Nearing the end of the reception, Anathema threw the bouquet to a waiting group of singles who cheered and jumped when she did, all hoping to be the one to get their hands on it first. Not one of them caught it, though, as the bouquet landed squarely in the hands of a demon who wasn't even paying attention.

"It appears you are the next to get married, my dear," Aziraphale smiled, amused by Crowley's sputtering and blushing. It was all very endearing, not that Aziraphale would ever tell the demon that to his face. At least not in public.

Crowley, for his part, looked from the bouquet to the crowd to Aziraphale and back in an exaggerated state of shock. "But..." he started, thrusting the bouquet into Pepper's hands and shoving his own into his pockets. “What do I need _that_ for?”

The few young people who’d hoped to catch the bouquet moped off to get another drink and Anathema stormed up to him. “What do you mean ‘what do you need that for’? We’ve been watching you two dance around each other for months. Just admit you love each other and get married already.”

Newt stood behind his new wife, smiling uncomfortably as she berated two immortal beings who could probably destroy them with a snap of their fingers.

“We don’t really dance, do we, dear?” Aziraphale asked, looking at Crowley in growing concern though well hidden behind a warm smile. “And we certainly haven’t hidden how we feel. You know I love you, Crowley, right?”

The unease of a demon was enough to send most of the humans scattering in other directions so only the ones who knew them personally remained. Crowley shifted his weight from foot to foot, desperately wishing to grab his angel and get out of there. The attention was unnerving, even if it was all from people who knew them. “Yes, yes, of course, Angel. What I’m not sure of is why she thinks we need to get married. I mean, haven’t we done that enough?”

Aziraphale’s small smile beamed brighter at his companion. “I think so, though we could always have another. When was our first wedding? Rome?”

“No, Rome was a different kind of first.” Crowley winked at him and the angel actually blushed much to everyone’s surprise. “It was that weekend outside the monastery in Florence. In the eleventh century, if I remember correctly. No, wait! Wessex! In the sixth century. You looked ridiculous in that suit of armor, by the way.”

A soft glow seemed to emit from the angel and he took Crowley’s hand, laughing a little. “Yes, that’s right. Though, I seem to remember you liked that suit of armor. Anyway, what a wonderful day that was. As was the one in Florence, and five hundred years later outside the Globe. William was so happy for us. That was a good one too.” As far as the two of them were concerned, there was no one else there, only the two of them and their shared past stretching out between them. “London during the War was my favorite though.”

“The one after we didn’t speak for a century?4 Yeah, that was my favorite too, Angel.”

Crowley looked around, eyebrows jumping as he remembered where they were. “Let’s get out of here.”

Aziraphale quickly nodded, and from one moment to the next, the angel and demon were there and then they were gone, leaving the few who didn’t know their natures looking around in confusion.

“So...that went well,” Newt mumbled, before taking Anathema’s hand.

Anathema took his hand without thought, still staring at the space vacated by the angel and demon. “Huh. Apparently, they weren’t so clueless after all.” She turned and looked at her new husband. “Time for toasts?”

“Sounds perfect.”

And in a small bookshop in the middle of Soho, another married couple toasted Anathema and Newt’s marriage, as well as their own.

As I said, this is a story about a wedding.

One that ends with happily ever after for all involved.5

* * *

1At the time of his wedding, Newt Pulsifer was the only person on the planet to hold this title. _

2He also occupied the position of strangest man Newt knew, strangest _person_ Newt knew, and the person most obsessed with the number of nipples on other beings. _

3The only other angel known to truly love human weddings was Raphael. Back around 800 BC, it was seen as bad luck to have him show up at your wedding as his toasts lasted so long, most of the guests left before he was done. _

4Neither liked to think about that time. It was the closest they’d come to a break up in six thousand years. It was still a sore spot for them both. _

5As far as Aziraphale and Crowley were concerned, the _ever_ was the most important part of all. _

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr at [astudyinfic](http://astudyinfic.tumblr.com) or twitter at [astudyinfic](http://twitter.com/astudyinfic).


End file.
